Gradation of Feelings

Apocalypse averted... again.

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 17:28:28 GMT

...That was actually kinda fun, sans the whole super-fusing-everyone-into-Duel-Monsters part. And pulling that Rainbow Life move at a good time for upwards of 20000 LP turned out to be extremely useful in the end... for more than just the life points, too. Too bad I couldn't make use of finally getting Rainbow Dragon out onto the field, but I didn't need to in the end, so no point in complaining about it, heh.

Ryuuji, for whenever you see this: that was awesome. And for those of you invited to Ryuuoumaru, you all deserve it, from what I can tell!

...Hey, Juudai. What becomes of Super Fusion after this...?

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:40:13 GMT

That was awesome, Juudai! I guess we're even now that the score's one to one, huh?

Good duel! You were great as always!!

And next is Ayumi. That'll be fun too, I'm sure.

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:27:46 GMT

Hey, Yukio! Good duel!

I, uh... almost won, kind of? Ehehehe. I got Rainbow Dragon out, but then he pulled out Honest, so that kinda threw my almost-victory right back in my face. And I almost managed to Crystal Abundance the field before that, and that would've helped a lot, but he used Solemn Judgment on that. Ah, well!

...And Juudai, don't think I've forgotten about you, either! We are definitely still on for the North versus DA final duel!

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:19:31 GMT

...Actually, I feel kind of bad for saying this, but... this whole "attacked by Cthulhu" thing is kind of an upswing in convenience for me.

Kind of.

~~But that still means finals. Damn.~~

up to date now

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 00:21:41 GMT

...Tournament's moving again? Really?

About time.

Hey, Juudai! When we duel, you're going to be on my home turf this time, so you better be careful~!

~~This post is about 90% so that I don't get berated for not being around lately. Although that'll probably happen anyway, ack.~~

[VERY filtered from Johuber]

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 22:43:31 GMT

....................

...Well, that was so utterly stupid.

~~Stupid of me, most of all.~~

I really don't have a standpoint, do I.

The worst part is that I know consciously that he's right about a lot of it, if not all of it. But what am I supposed to say to him? Even if I acquiesce to him, he'll probably call me pathetic, and then still never let up. It doesn't matter what I do, I'll lose anyway, it seems.

I know I'm not really as great a person as people tell me. Moreover, I'm not special in any way. And it shows, too.

~~At least... he didn't point out the part of me I hate the most.~~

...I'm going back to bed, to hide under the covers. I don't care how early it is. ~~Even though under the duvet is the first place karma or anyone else is going to look for me...~~

[Filtered from Johuber]

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 22:34:50 GMT

...It bothers me a lot more than it should.

A lot more.

Am I really in the wrong?

Maybe I should stop trying.

...Would that be worse?

EVENT POST/THREAD (I dunno, it depends): Trying

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 18:47:51 GMT

[Why are you so difficult, Juudai?

Johan stands on the wooden deck in front of the door to Juudai's room, staring at the door miserably. Juudai is in there; Juudai has made it fairly clear, through inaction, that he does not want to emerge. He lets out a broken sigh.

"Please come out, Juudai. Please."

His friend makes no move, of course. So Johan stands there, frustrated and despairing, mouthing silent words of compassion and supplication.

Please come out, Juudai. Please talk to me, Juudai. Please just let me in.

He could scream until his throat was raw, We care about you, Juudai, I care about you, don't do this to us, to me -- but his friend probably wouldn't have any of it. He just can't seem to connect with him; no matter how far he reaches, Juudai is always just a little bit farther away.

"...please, please, please, please, please..."

He wonders if it would do any good to pound on the door repeatedly. Likely not; it would just get Juudai angry at him if he was too persistent. The very last thing he would ever want.

He keeps standing, one hand outstretched, desperation showing on his face, in his clouded gaze. His lips are moving; but nothing is coming out as he whispers to himself quietly. Then he falls silent, jagged failure tearing across his very visage, cracking his shoulders, making them fall.

"...You saved my life once, and I can't even try to return the favor, because every time it matters, you just close up like this, and it doesn't even matter what anyone says..." he murmurs to himself, unsure if Juudai can hear, but beginning to cast aside any notion of caring whether or not he can.

Johan -- knowing he was taking time he could have used for his own meditations to check up on the stubborn boy he holds so dear -- shakes his head and finally makes as if to turn away, giving up, muttering one last musing to himself. Resolving that it's better if he quits while he's ahead.

"...But I know you probably would've done the same for anyone else... so..."]

Uh...

Wed, 28 May 2008 01:05:01 GMT

.............

...Okay, you know what.

I'm not going to bother screening this. And I'm really no good at beating around the bush about it anyway, so...

...Ayumi, d'you wanna go out with me sometime...?

EVENT THREAD: Wondering

Sun, 18 May 2008 04:41:52 GMT

*There is a point in the middle of the night where the weight of worry and insomnia seems to shift from dwelling on how long you have been lying awake since bedtime toward how little time it's going to be until you're doomed to survive another day. Johan figures that the shift begins somewhere between three and three-thirty in the morning. He actually felt it, too; a weight sliding across his mind with a dull metal deadbolt clink.

By four, he's given up any pretense of sleep, and instead decides to get out of bed and creep outside as silently as possible. Finding a place by the cliffs, he starts staring at the distant ocean, drenched in shades of dark blue and searing white by the starlight that illuminates it ever so slightly, soon to brighten and regain its true color as morning seeps into the sky. The light from the surface of the water reflects off his eyes and plays there, making him look more awake than he actually feels.

Your character may have heard Johan get up and tread lightly outside, or they may just have had the same idea as him, unable to sleep for whatever reason. Either way, this event takes place outside just before morning on Sunday if your character follows him to the side of the cliff. He looks thoughtful, but not depressingly so; it's a more lighthearted sort of thoughtful, though not outright happy either. (I don't have a good icon for it, so sue me.)

Bother now, especially if you're Juudai... or Ayumi.*

EVENT THREAD: When the sun is everything to you...

Thu, 08 May 2008 22:32:34 GMT

*It's sunset on the cliffside. Johan reaches out with his hands from his place lying back on the ground to touch the sun, knowing he could burn him in his heat, blind him with his brightness, knowing that it is impossible. Still he does so.

It is a need that he cannot explain, a desire he cannot understand, but it is an integral part of his life, much like breathing and eating. So he stretches his arms in a beseeching pose, a coaxing gentle smile on his face, as if he wants the sun to understand his need, as if he wants the sun to come down from where he is and take his hand.

He will never do so. No matter what he does, he never will. His face is turned towards something far beyond the ground, fixed to the stars where his dreams lie. At times, he will look back and he will see him looking up; he will know that he will always be there and, knowing that, he will warm him with his presence, filling him with the light and warmth that he has come to expect.

He sees the road he wants to take, knowing that he will follow it at any cost. And he wants, above all else, to protect him, if not from the elements outside then from his own self. He wants to protect him from the weakness ingrained in his very being, weaknesses that can also be viewed as strengths at the right light. He wants to be there to see him shine and burn at his hottest, be there to defend him should the universe see those weaknesses and decide to exploit them.

He wants to protect him because, of all the things in this world, he had been the only one to reach out with his shining light to enfold him in his warmth. Now, he would do anything to prevent him from burning off.

This is his goal: to protect this shining sun and ensure that nothing can hurt him. If he needed to become the moon in order to preserve the sun, he would do so. He would do anything for the sun though he will not know that he does this for him and not for himself.

One day, he may find that he has reached him in his place up in space as he shines down on all of the planets in his vicinity, and without him noticing, he will hover ever-near to protect his light.

Then maybe, just maybe, he can do the impossible and touch the sun.

But that time is not now. So he simply studies the warm palette of the sky, moving his hand as though he were the one conducting the setting of the sun, smiling peacefully. Ruby is sitting next to him, watching the gradual course the sun is taking to sink below the horizon, off to warm another part of the world.

Not now, but maybe someday, he thinks, he'll be able to truly touch the sun.*

((OOC: Because I felt like it. I also felt like writing a giant metaphor, haha. D|))

What a nightmare.

Tue, 06 May 2008 05:05:11 GMT

...I had a lengthy post about everything planned out by the time I got back, but... I am just too tired, too jaded, and too weak to type anything out tonight. ~~Besides, it's nothing no one else hasn't ever heard before, especially now.~~ I'm alright now, if a bit cold still. But I'll live.

Yeah, today was a bad day.

(Not really looking forward to tomorrow, either.)

[Private to Juudai]

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:50:14 GMT

...Hey, Juudai.

You saw that post about the new honor dorm program, right?

...I'm not the only one that got warning bells set off in my head about it, right?

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:32:32 GMT

The Pro Leaguers are scouting now, I heard...?

...Well, thus begins the really depressing part of the school year, I guess.

When I was younger and feeling terrible, I used to imagine that there was someone sitting with me while I tried to fall asleep. It was really never anyone in particular -- just me trying to convince myself that there was another presence in the room, sitting quietly in a chair with a book or something. Just someone who had come upon me in a trying time and decided that I needed looking after, just in case.

Sometimes I look back and wonder if I wasn't imagining it, or if my imagining was what drew them all to me in the first place so that it became a reality.

Just a random bit of thought for today.

[German Post]

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 01:45:32 GMT

いろいろと考えているんだけど。

卒業したらどうなるんだろう？

もうすぐみんなは、それぞれの道を歩む……かも。

…でも………

オレ、どうしたらいいのか分からない。まだどちらに進むか決めない。

たぶん十代はプローリーグに参加したい……そしてほかのみんなも決めたんだ。

だが、オレはどうする？

誰に尋ねればいいか分からないんだから。十代と決別したくないが、残念ながら…その件については選択の余地はないみたい……だね。出掛けたら、親友を失ったくないぜ。ずっとオレの宝玉獣があるんだけど、ただ十代は…違うだな。

苦しいんじゃない。絶対に苦しいんじゃないぜ。だがオレ達が卒業するのすぐ後…それだけは痛む頃だ。その時に……たまらなく痛むだ。

…とにかくこの気持ちはどこからくるの？憂うつかなーl8uvgfxew211111111111

...Ah, Ruby, stop walking on the keyboard.

((OOC: This post is meant to be written entirely in German, but since I know nothing of that language, it's written in Japanese instead to be as equally gibberish to most of us English-speakers! :D ~~Also because I want to practice, but.~~

Translation:

I've been thinking.

What will I do when I graduate?

Everyone's... probably going to go their own respective roads soon.

...But...

I don't know what I'll do. I haven't decided which way to go.

Juudai probably wants to try the Pro Leagues... and everyone else is decided, too.

But what about me?

I don't really know who to ask. I don't want to part ways with Juudai, but... I guess I don't have much choice in the matter. When we leave, I don't want to lose my best friend too. I know I'll still have the Gem Beasts, always, but Juudai's just... different.

It doesn't hurt. It definitely doesn't hurt. It'll only hurt immediately after we leave. Then it'll hurt like hell.

...Where did these feelings come from, anyway? This is so depressing.

Feel free to throw your German-speakers and everyone else who's curious at him. D: Contemplative Johan is contemplative.))

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 03:54:44 GMT

...I had an interesting conversation today.